


I want to open my hands to comfort you

by MatildaSwan



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: F/F, Feelings, Femslash February, Holding Hands, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 20:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9674321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MatildaSwan/pseuds/MatildaSwan
Summary: Kate has a habit of inviting Osgood to accompany her to work functions. Osgood has a habit of declining Kate's invitations. Until one day, without so much as a push from Kate, Osgood agrees to join her for a night of science and canapés. Unfortunately, they both get a bit more than they were anticipating.





	

**Author's Note:**

> @goblinsnacks prompted with hand holding + mistaken for dating and this fell out
> 
> Titled inspires by Phildel's "Comfort You"
> 
> CW: social anxiety, verbal confrontation + resulting panic, and a lot of low level asthma attacks.

Kate Stewart is many things. She is a mother, at the heart of it, for all her children have grown and newly flown from the nest. She is a Dr., though she never uses the title: prefers Ms., always has, even when she had the right to Mrs.. She is, among other things, commanding and diligent and disciplined. She is bright and quick and clever with humour so dry it would give white toast run for its money. Kate Stewart, in a strictly profession sense, is many things. She is a scientist. She is a strategist. She might not be a solider but she certainly is a commander.

She is also, in both a personal and profession capacity, _not_ a great deal of things. She is not eye candy to be added to a room for her aesthetics value. She is not in the habit of tolerating being ogled at by men who mistake her for an object only to complain she is a distraction when she proves them wrong. She is most certainly not interested in being belittled by men who think themselves her superiors and yet that is exactly what happens every time she has to represent UNIT at social events.

Kate hates them. Absolutely loathes them. She can handle the constant civility required on those nights, but she hates the posturing and the pomp and poshness. She hates watching powerful men preen and ply for more power at the expense of others. She hate the thinly veiled sneers coloured by layers of bright lipstick and hearing fake tittering laughed above chatter and the clink of glasses. She hates men clamouring for her attention without giving her a slip of it in return and women glaring at her in shoes that double as knives to slice at her back.

So while she appreciates the odd excuse to get dressed up and stuff herself on hors d’œuvres, Kate honestly hates almost everything about work functions. She attends from necessity alone, without an inch of actual interest.

Not that anyone would know, of course, Kate has that good graces of a politician whose constituents actually believe every word they say. Not to mention the patience of a tortoise: she thinks she could stare the spots of a leopard, if the need ever arises. No one would know, from looking at her, just how much she despise those nights of politeness and power plays. But more than that, what she hates most of all, is simply not having anyone to talk to.

Which is why she always invites Osgood as well. Why Kate tries so hard to convince Osgood to come with her even though she knows it would be even less of her head scientists’s cup of tea than her own. Because Kate cannot help thinking that if they were there, together, those night might not be so very terrible.

It is a totally selfish desire, Kate knows, but she wants Osgood’s company. So she pesters and she prods and she pokes for months or maybe even years — Kate has no real grasp on time anymore just things that need doing and appointments to be kept— for so much longer than she would have in any other circumstance. She asks for Osgood’s company and does her best to swallow her disappointment every time Osgood make it clear she does not want the same of Kate.

Until one day, without so much as a push from Kate, Osgood agrees to join her: to an demonstration from a new tech start-up that has caught the MOD’s eye.

She comes to Kate’s office to tell her. Explains she thinks she ought to be there when one of the machines malfunctions: she has already seen the specs and knows it will flop. Says she also has a few questions she wants to ask one of the inventors that will be there.

Kate does not care why Osgood is coming, only that she is, coming with Kate. She manages to keep the excitement off her face until Osgood leaves and most certainly does not do anything so silly as to circle the date on her calendar in bold red pen (and has no idea that Osgood has already done the exact same thing to the calendar she keeps on her office desk).

 

*

 

“Are you ready for tonight?” Kate voice rings out over the lab. Osgood jumps, she had not heard Kate come in,and looks up. Kate looks down at her fondly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s fine,” Osgood wheezes slightly. “I was just a bit immersed. These test results really are quite fascinating.” Osgood pats down her coat pockets.

“Really?” Kate asks with genuine interest.

“Hmm, yes.” Distracted by her current search. Finds her inhaler and breathes in a puff. Put it back on the desk. “I’ll have a report for you by Monday.”

“Can’t wait,” Kate says drily and abruptly changes the topic. “What are you wearing tonight?”

Osgood looks down past her lab coat: beige and grey checkered vest over a collared white shirt. The only bright thing she is wearing that day are her socks, blue and purple gingham, hidden under black slacks and sensible shoes below the desk.

“Erm.” Osgood pulls the lab coat back a little and looks up at Kate with big eyes. “This?”

Kate tilts her head to the side and stares. “Sorry, Osgood. I’m afraid you can’t wear your work clothes.”

“You are,” Osgood points out sensibly.

The dark brown two piece may be tailored slim and the pale purple shirt underneath may be pressed crisp but there was no denying Kate is still in her office attire. She shakes her heard, shuffles on her feet and kinks her hip lightly. Osgood can see how tightly the band of her trousers hugs her hipbones.

“My dress is in my office, I just haven’t gotten changed yet,” Kate explains. “I usually leave it too the last minute, in case I’m saved by an alien invasion,” she says with grim good humour.

Osgood chuckles. Kate taps a finger on the edge of the desk.

“Come on,” Kate beckons. “If we leave now and we’ll have time stop at your place on the way there. I’ll go get changed and meet you at the car in fifteen?” Kate asks. Osgood nods. Kate pushes away from the desk. “Great.”

She start walking towards the door: pauses when she gets to the frame and turns back. “You do have something to wear at home, right?”

Osgood ruffles at the implication and her response is a little snappish. “Yes, of course I do.”

Kate starts a little at the tone but recovers quickly. “Yes, of course you do. I’m shouldn’t have asked.” 

She leaves with a  swish of her hair before Osgood can say anything in reply.

 

*

 

It is closer to thirty minutes before Osgood locks the door to her office. She races towards the garage to meet Kate. Arrives flustered and apologising until she cuts herself off when she sees Kate.

Sees Kate looking down at her phone on her hand as she leans against the car. Her watch is still on her wrist and peach toes poke out from under the hem of the dress billowing slightly in the breeze: black silk and pale skin. Osgood sees Kate and does not want to look away.

“It’s quite alright,” Kate looks up from her phone. “Get in, I’m driving.”

Osgood blinks: she cannot remember the last time Kate pulled driver duty. Then again, they were always on duty whenever Kate pulled rank to sit in the passenger side. She normally spent the time on the phone. Though apparently not tonight, Osgood thinks, as she climbs into the passenger seat.

The drive is quiet with the low hum of BBC classic. Osgood stares out the window, recognising some of the streets they pass and not others: the GPS is taking a very different route to the bus.

They pull up outside Osgood’s flat. Osgood unblocks her belt and starts sliding out of the car, assuming Kate wants to say put. Assumes Kate wants to get in a last few minutes of work before that evenings distraction: to check her emails or make a phone call in private.

Osgood glances over her shoulder, expecting to see Kate pull out her phone and start tapping away before Osgood has even shut the door behind her. Osgood stops, her legs hanging out of the open door, because Kate is just sitting there, hands still on the wheel, looking vaguely out the window.

“Do you want to come in?” Osgood surprises herself with the sound of her own voice. Does the same to Kate, apparently, given the way she snaps out of her daze and towards Osgood. Confused, but only for a moment. Osgood blinks and opens her eyes to a smiling Kate.

Kate rarely smiles, in Osgood’s experience. Not that Kate is sad, or bored, or even angry, most of the time. It is just that she is busy and often infuriated at the constant machinations she has to navigate as head of UNIT. Not to mention the occasional alien invasion. Osgood has noticed those tend to wear at Kate a little more these days, now that she carries so much more of the world on her shoulders.

“Well, I wouldn’t say no to a cup of tea,” Kate says as she opens the driver door. Osgood realises she is still sitting half in the car and half out of it and scrambles. Slams the door shut and scurries up to her front door. Punches in the code, lets Kate in, and points her up the stairs.

She lets them into her flat and hangs her keys on the coat hook in the hallway. Kate shuts the door behind them and follows her into the living room. Her face politely blank as her eyes dart all over the place. Osgood breathes through the urge to straighten every piece of furniture in the house.

Osgood distracts herself by speeding towards the kitchen. Puts on the kettle, pulls out two mugs and the tea bag. Pauses. Puts them back and grabs the teapot and the loose leaf she bought for her mother dropped round last time she came to visit.

Kate makes herself comfortable leaning against the kitchen bench. Her hands hang oddly at her side, like she is waiting for pockets to appear but none do, tangles her fingers together in front of her. Osgood can see the moment Kate settles within herself. Marvels at how Kate manages to look both casual and commanding in an evening dress with a very long slit up the side.

Osgood leaves the tea on the bench to steep and tells Kate to make herself at home. She tries not the think about Kate making herself at home: making Osgood’s home her own. Osgood darts towards the bedroom before the image can take hold.

She opens her wardrobe and pulls out a few hangers and lies them on the duvet. Chooses her shoes and lines them up at the foot of the bed. Grabs her towel from the back of the door and darts across the hall to the bathroom.

The water is warm and soothing on her back, sore from hunching over in the lab all day. She tries not to think about Kate looming over her desk. She gets out of the shower and tries not to think about Kate waiting for her in the living room.

She gets dressed and walks into the living room: scrubbed up and suited out. Tries not to think about how right the back of Kate’s head seems poking up above the back of Osgood’s lounge. Kate turns at the sound of Osgood approaching. Sees Osgood and smiles warmly.

Osgood is not sure of the last time she saw Kate smile twice in such short succession. Can recall a few instances of her mouth curving in several cruel grimaces, moments before dissecting an ego or two, but never warmly and never just for her. The thought makes her heart flutter.

“You look lovely,” Kate says, remnants of her dimples just visible.

“You do too, ma’am.”

“Kate, please,” she requests. “We’re off duty, Osgood, no need for formalities.”

Osgood smiles and ducks her head. Check the outline of her inhaler is still in her trowser pocket.

“Come on, lets get this over with,” Kate says, obviously trying to muster up some enthusiasm. She fails spectacularly and Osgood follows her out the door and down the stairs.

 

*

 

In Kate’s haste to get to things over and done with they had, in fact, managed to arrive far too early and thus extended her own torment.

She hangs at the back of the room nursing a Bellini and stares out at the reasonably small collection of other early bird arrivals.Kate thinks she has made a terrible mistake until she sees Osgood smiling and chatting to a group of scientist. Osgood might not be wearing a lab coat like the others in the circle, but she looks like she fits in perfectly. She looks happy and that makes Kate happy: she realises she is grinning and shakes herself out of it.

She bites the bullet and goes to do her social rounds. The conversations start as a trickle before racing ahead to a veritable avalanche of attention. She wolfs down a handful of cheesey canapés and wonders where Osgood. Looks around, cannot see her, but notices the room is far more full than it was an hour ago. She checks her watch and sees it is almost time for the demonstration.

The demonstration which goes exactly as Osgood predicted. The generator collapses in on itself and bursts into a tame and rather pretty display of reasonably safe indoor fireworks. No one is injured and most of the room thinks the light show is part of the presentation. 

Nevertheless, the organisers are grateful Kate is there to help clean up the mess and smooth things over with a few choice phone calls. Just as the scientist are grateful for Osgood’s advice on salvaging as much of their prototype as possible, and a few suggestions on how to avoid a similar thing happening in the future. 

Well, most of them, that is. Unbeknownst to Kate, one of the team takes an exception to Osgood help. Calls it interference and Osgood a nosy cow. Kate does not hear the insult but does hear the commotion that comes after it: a few voice raised in relation and a wheeze Kate would recognise with her eyes shut. 

She turns from her conversation with the liaison from the MOD to see Osgood, standing fifteen feet away, being loomed over by tall and rather irate scientist. There are another handful of lab coats trying to break up the confrontation and failing dismally. Osgood’s shaking is visible from a distance and Kate knows she is struggling to breathe.

“Inhaler,” Kate hisses over the chatter and strides over to Osgood without excusing herself from the previous conversation. Her voice carries and Osgood responses automatically; finally gets her hand into her pocket.

Kate hears the puff of an inhaler and rounds on the scientist. Barely registers the extra half a foot of height he has on her; pins him with a glare that has him snapping his mouth shut and swallowing whatever words he had intend on throwing Kate’s way.

“I think it would be a good idea if you left,” Kate says evenly: tone that could cut glass. He does not actually scramble away and sprint for the door screaming, but it is a close thing. Kate waits until she sees the back of him disappear out of the room before turning her attention back to Osgood.  
****

“Are you okay?” Kate asks, standing a foot in front of Osgood. 

Osgood nods and shoots Kate what she hopes is a reassuring look. Assumes it did not hit the mark as Kate keeps looking at her with a face full of concern. Takes another puff of her inhaler with a slightly shaking hand and Kate sees the jittering.

Turns her eyes around the room for a second. Slips her hand into Osgood and pulls her towards an open door and out into the fresh air. The noise quietens down with everyone except Kate gone Osgood feels herself relax a little as she stares out over the railing of the balcony with Kate by her side.

Osgood notices their hands are still tangled between them. Wants to tighten her grip but stays still until she feels Kate pull away. She panics and pulls Kate’s hand back; unthinkingly puts it on her back. Kate’s hand freezes on the small of her back for a moment before she starts stroking gently up and down: for comfort and calm.

“I’m sorry I left you alone,” Kate apologise, moving her hands up to rub gentle circles in between Osgood’s shoulder blades.

“It’s fine.” Osgood feels herself loosen under Kate’s hands. 

“It isn’t.” The hand stops moving but Osgood can her body hum everywhere it was moments ago.

“I’m okay.” The pressure of a stationary hand lingers on Osgood’s back and she wheezes slightly. 

“Inhaler,” Kate whispers. Osgood complies. “Are you really okay?” 

Osgood turns to Kate and sees eyes wide with concern looking looking down at her.

“I will be in a minute,” Osgood says, honest and reassuring. She smiles at Kate and Kate smiles back.

 

 

*

 

Kate leaves Osgood to enjoy the quiet for a few minutes and heads back inside. Attempts to make a beeline for the buffet table but keeps getting interrupted. It is mainly the event organises thanking her again for her help, along with one or two government officials. Only one stranger talks to her, rather abruptly, as she fills a napkin full of finger food to take back outside and share.

“Is your girlfriend okay?” Kate looks up and towards the voice: another lab coat looking rather pointedly at Kate. 

“My girlfriend?” Kate asked, unsure what he is talking about though definite he is talking to her.

“The pretty brunette with big glasses. She has an interesting name?” Kate places the face in one the circle Osgood was talking to at the beginning of the night.

“Osgood,” she says, deliberately ignoring the way her stomach flits at suggestion her and Osgood are together. She responds to the latter question with the intention of working her way back through the formers. “She’s fine now. But she’s n—” 

“She looked flustered before,” he cuts Kate off. “I’m glad she is okay now,” he says earnestly. He asks Kate to pass on his regards to Osgood before excusing himself and Kate barely manages a goodbye as he walks away. 

Kate is thrown, completely. She is used to having elongated conversations with ulterior motives when she is in evening dress. Abrupt and caring is a far cry from her usual interaction and it takes her a while to collect herself.

She struggles to get her thoughts back together without thinking of Osgood as the pretty brunette. Distracts herself with another Bellini and curses herself when she remembers she was supposed to be designated driver.

 

*

 

It is just gone half ten by the time Kate pulls up outside Osgood’s home. 

“Thank you for coming,” Kate says. “I’m sorry you had a horrid time.”

“It wasn’t horrid,” Osgood reassures her. Kate looks at her with raised eyebrows. Osgood clarifies, “it wasn’t brilliant, but it was fine.”

“It was, wasn’t it,” Kate says, looking away and out the windscreen. “It was much easier with you there,” she whispers, so soft Osgood thinks she might have imagined it. But Kate is gripping the steering wheel a little too tight with pursed lips and Osgood knows Kate just told her a secret. 

“It was my pleasure,” Osgood says sincerely. Kate’s snaps towards Osgood and on anyone else in the world the look on her face might be embarrassment. But Osgood knows Kate is never embarrassed. Except maybe for now. Osgood continues, to make sure Kate knows she has no reason to be embarrassed, especially with her. “I might even consider coming with you to the next one.”

“Really?” Kate asks, slightly bewildered. 

“Absolutely,” Osgood replies quickly. Maybe a touch too quick, given the look Kate shoots her in response. “As long as you don’t mind me slipping out every now and then to catch my breath.”

“Of course not.” Kate smiles, warm and wide. “I might even join you,” Kate teases. Well, half teases, by Osgood calculations, because there is something else in Kate’s eyes. Something that Osgood desperately wants to reach out and reassure. 

“I’d like that,” Osgood blurts out before she can stop herself. A crackle of tension fills the car and Kate opens her mouth, as if to say something, and closes it again. 

Osgood feels a wheeze resting in the back of her throat. Feels some words wrap themselves around it. Osgood puts her hand on the clasp of the door and slips out of the car before they can work their way out her throat. 

“Goodnight!” Kate calls from the driver seat. 

Osgood looks back at Kate from the open car door. Sees Kate with a curious look on her face that makes the wheeze in her her throat loosen. The look on Kate’s face makes Osgood feel brave.

“Goodnight, Kate,” she says. “Sweet dreams.”

She slams the car door shut before Kate can say anything and walks up to her front door. She can feel Kate’s eyes on the back of her neck as she punches the code to the front door. She looks back at the car and sees Kate still looking at her and looks forward to the next time she finds a formal invitation on her desk. 


End file.
